The root of wishing suffering upon someone else, is in fact an indirect attempt to enact interconnected awareness upon them. Our real intention is to instill understanding of our perspective into the other person ➝ the person who is wronging us.
This process is only ever initiated when we are hurt, profoundly. That process is begun. We feel attacked deep in our tranches, because our personal boundaries have been breached. In this moment the mind’s first defense mechanism is to search for a weak point that it could have fortified so that this may not have happened.
If you are the type, that is where you will first get stopped and where your dysfunctions will be developed, around boundaries, and that’s where your revenge wishes or your false solutions to cope will develop.
But there is really nothing one can do about this, because a personal boundary is a sign that you exist. It’s a line that designate you and your existence and unless you cease to exist then you can’t move or erase yourself in such a way that your boundaries will remain untouched in the future: therefore, the decision to ensure safety lays not with what you can do with yourself, the first element you can control. It in fact lies with the other person, who must be the one to control themselves, because you existing is not the problem here, their breaching your boundary is.
Then your boundaries are breached it creates a profound feeling of unsafety because your personal peace has been broken and invaded. The purpose of self-defense that is always about preventing this event from happenig again in the future in fact is itself a form of coping from the first event because there was nothing you could do to stop it.
However vibrationally, the good news is that once something has happened, and you have effectively learned to defend against it, it will never happen again. See evolution and the purpose of suffering to understand more about that.
It is offensive to be wounded. How dare someone do this to me, that is the prevalent feeling of resentment. That is the source of this feeling. From there comes the intention to wish:
- to end that pain
➝ Then the mind thinks to itself, how can I end that pain? That is when the answered revealed is to wish understanding onto the other person. What we wish is that the other person understood. Because if they understood, if they knew, they would never have hurt us.
This is part of an essential understanding of life.
Among that is also a feeling of resentment. Then comes vibrational imbalance: an amount of force has been exerted in your direction and created an imbalance due to its negativity, and has budged you out of place, potentially derailing you off your path as you responded to the obstacle (pain & type of pain) flung your way.
Resentment at the suffering caused and the imbalance in force pushes you to want to fling back the weight thrown your way towards the cause of that suffering: in other words, it causes you to wish suffering on the ones who hurt you. A fairly, completely normal response that’ll arise as a consequence of excess suffering—that is, an amount of pain that exceeds your capacity for tolerating and containing it.
So one of the common responses here is to want the other person to suffer, and a lot of people get confused in this process because they don’t properly understand what they truly want from that process as the pain and the urgent need to soothe it and “cope” with it is blinding: what a person truly wants in this moment is to teach the other person never to hurt again, so they may go forth in the world and be a clean element that will no longer harm others the way one has been harmed. Some people may not be aware enough to realise this is what’s happening inside them. The only thing people truly want is catharsis and global peace, because peace with them means peace for the world, and that is something everyone secretly yearns for.
Simply put, by making the other person suffer the way we have suffered (the way they made us suffer), we teach them the nature of their action by giving them a taste of their own medicine. This phrase itself is laced with revenge intentions, but it isn’t just out of some blind sadism: to give people a taste of their medicine is to show people what they themselves are committing.
That is because once you know how something hurts, you can’t wish it upon anyone else. It’d be like wishing it upon yourself, and that’s where the really parts of human egocentricity show up: we project on everything, and because we sense that we are all connected, and that’s one of the reasons we ourselves in everything, wishing something on someone else is like wishing it on ourselves and to ourselves. That’s where the phrase “I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy comes from”, because no matter how deluded we are from pain, at the bottom of everything hides us, our pure self asking “why” and knowing nothing but goodness.
Therefore with this logic, it makes sense to conclude that it is fact lack of awareness that pushes people to cause suffering onto others, because, in fact, don’t know the nature and consequences of their actions, and don’t actually understand what they’re doing. Because from the one side they’re on, they are skipping the part where they would see and understand how what they’re doing affects someone else. They in fact, have a delay in empathy. This type of personality has a lack of awareness of how they affect others, and can accidentally go to stupid lengths in terms of how they’ll hurt others. We are not talking about the profiles of people who hurt others because they themselves are hurt and profoundly traumatised and don’t know how else to operate. These are two different types.
So when someone who has been negatively affected by someone else’s unaware actions, the wish to return “the favor”, in fact is born out of wanting to teach the other person to see. Because clearly they do not, but maybe if they did, they wouldn’t be able to do this thing.
This is the automatic instinct that shows up. When we are hurt, in fact what we truly want and what can truly give us catharsis, is teaching to others the errors of their ways, and that is because if the other person know then they can’t hurt someone else anymore of their own inner understanding. Many of us are incapable of hurting someone in one way or another because we understand the pain it’ll cause. But we also all have blind-spots, some bigger than others. To learn what your actions do mean developing a natural, inner form of self control that prevents you internally from taking any type of steps towards causing that kind of suffering In someone else. That is in fact the lesson to learn, and what a hurt person is truly trying to get at.
Underneath the feelings of unfairness at being wronged, underneath wanting to get back at someone, underneath the offense, outrage, is a “how could they do this, clearly they must be stupid”: a form of realising the short-sightedness, and lack of understanding in this particular area that the other person has.
-> on a side note, and that is common to many people, a lot of people will praise themselves for knowing not hurt people in certain areas, either because they innately know it’s wrong or because they’ve been hurt in that area themselves and thus have a massive emotional attachement to that thing. But then they sport massive blindspots anyway, that they know are there but that they struggle to identify, and it really does cause the most hilarious sight possible. That being said, a good chunk of people struggle with this, and there are underlying causes for this that can allow us to tackle it.
The best way never to be hurt again, what our consciousness wants the most, to finally create a scenario where we are not hurt, is to make sure the other person can’t cause harm again. And for the spiritually advanced, we know that is best accomplish through knowledge of the pain caused.
“May you know.” Is in fact the best thing to wish on someone.
Finally, we also understand that going all the way with the suffering is not wishable, as creating more pain means creating more pollutants on the planet, which is useless, and we understand that the pain caused to us is a tragic, stupid mistake made by the other person.
The solution is in fact to teach the other person understanding, because that is the best way to ensure they naturally will become like us: someone mindful. And that is what we really want in the end, because when people are like us, they can’t hurt us, and thus, they are safe.