Fighting for love is a result of existing in an abnormal world that is going in parallel opposition to the natural rules of the universe.

Premise

The source of all traumas, which is what creates dysfunctions, are, originally, misunderstandings on how life works. People’s perspectives are too skewed, or narrow, or there is something impeding understanding in some way: your logic functions differently, etc. This can lead to Temporary failed life knowledge acquisition. But while this is, as the name so helpfully suggests, temporary, in the window of time between the misconclusion, and the adjustment to reality (when you finally manage to figure out where you erred in your conclusions), there’s a period of time where you will work under the assumption that this misconclusion is factual.

That is, for obvious reasons, really, really bad. Because your idea of life have got zero bearings on reality whatsoever, you will displace things that are healthy, while instituting unhealth and sowing dysfunctions wherever you go. This goes for everyone: if you have come to misunderstand something because of someone else’s own misconceptions, applied in practice, or whether you are now the new “perpetrator” doing this to others, this goes for everyone on either area of the cycle.

Now this is the standard:

Love is. Basic, normal things such as money (→ safety, well-being) and love (nurturing, connection, oneness, moving towards positivity & evolution) are fundamental givens, they’re basic human rights. That when doing nothing to impede it, is naturally given and distributed. It is naturally enabled to happen because it is naturally and equally given to everyone.

From acting like certain givens are not normal and natural, you block out these things from entering your life, and, if you are in charge of someone’s life, their lives as well. This is relevant if you are in a position of power over other people, that is to say, if in any way shape or form you strongly influence the life of others and what goes on in said lives. If you even remotely whatsoever control the way their lives look or the direction of said lives, then your reasoning and vision of life is ultimately what influences that.

This is relevant for parents, adult caretakers, children who have appointed themselves in charge of another group of children, modes of governances run by humans, any type of leader, etc.

Now obviously most of us are born on the dark side of the sun and we don’t get shit. But to not receive these things means that something is done poorly in your environment that is preventing the natural occurrence and distribution of elements of life that are a given (like love, or money).

The coping mechanism / false solution

The problem is that one always adapts to their environment during childhood because the forcefulness of the environment as children tells us “this is where I exist, this is my current plane of reality, therefore it is where I will lead my life.” You can’t just pretend that the current life scenario you get in childhood is incompetent and not what you need and then decide not to live anymore and to just “quit living” in the sense of “taking a break” until better days are enabled by your actions.

Therefore you adapt. You must sit and suffer, so these circumstances become an unmovable element/obstacle that you must do something about. And as I always explain, when an unmovable obstacle is met by consciousness/the mind, it is always you who ends up budging in front of it at the end of the day (even if it shouldn’t be, but then, the universe wouldn’t be playing with us that way). That is what leads to displacement.

And thus, to false solutions, here, meant for you to adapt to the lack of love.

One such adapting behaviour this forces upon some people is to fight to obtain love, rather than to “let it flow.” For such people, the idea of “letting it flow” will appear utterly ridiculous and absurd, and even worse and most importantly, “but if I do this then I am letting the possibility of love slip! I can’t do that!?“

That is because in that environment unless you fight for every scrape of [love] then you will get less than nothing. Because love is a standard, and that is subconsciously known, when it isn’t maintained, and that basic human right wavers in being upheld by others/other individuals, consciousness will fight to uphold that standard on its own.

Symptoms you may encounter / what this may look like:

• Being possessive or jealous of your friends or partner: if you don’t fight to keep them, what will prevent them to leave? (Love).
• Overly investing into a person not because you want to, but because, if you don’t, how will they want you, or to be with you, or to have you in their life? (Because love).
• Insisting to fit in somewhere by bending yourself to the standard of the place: if you don’t obey others, how will you ever obtain connections? (From finding love with people who actually “vibe” with you)
• Caving in to people’s noxious behaviour(s): this one, outside of being used as a temporary means of survival, can be done because you think compliance and caving into the noxious standards of another person can lead to obtaining something positive: If I do what [person] wants, will they do it then? This is a “if I play by their rule, will it work then?” (No, it won’t).

Don’t see your behaviour listed here? Talk about it here

But that’s essentially fighting for scrapes. The real and faster solution is to:

• understand this is one environment among many
• give up on obtaining anything in this one environment
• leave and obtain that thing elsewhere

Giving up on obtaining it in X place does not mean giving up on obtaining it, period. It simply means recognising the incompetence or self-imposed limitations of the people around you, and go seek whatever you want not just “anywhere else,” but in an environment that will be fittingly more appropriate.

This detachment and departure process, typically happens when you have gone down the fallen process (see: mind map) to the point that you have no more energy left to fight for something. Some of us do this until we are complete wrecks incapable of mustering energy to get out of bed (→ which leads to things such as “bed rotting,” not just a form of avoidance).

In this instance, you will:

1. Notice the absence of the thing which is missing
2. Noticing its absence leads to awareness of the thing being needed: awareness of a thing can happen two ways; obtaining the thing, which awakens its existence, not obtaining the thing, which awakens its existence with despair sprinkled on top (it is tinged with despair because your noticing of that thing being there or needed is accompanied with the knowledge that it has not been obtained).
3. Begin to fight for its obtention, as explained above, from the knowledge that things that are due are a given, a standard, and will continue to fight for that thing due to the knowledge, or belief, that the environment you enter into when you are born is important and relevant because it is part of your experience of life, etc.
4. When nothing has been obtained and resources to fight for its obtention have diminished significantly, the cons begin to outweigh the con, and the decision to exit the situation, as there is nothing more left to gain, is made.

There is no need to wait until you arrive at step 4. Ever. If you are fighting to obtain something and can’t obtain it, leave. Even as a child of limited means, endeavour to find a replacer.

A person like this will fight to obtain love, what they think is love, but which is ultimately crumbs of love, and dispense extra and excess energy that goes beyond what is actually needed to receive the thing you seek.

If you want to obtain love, all you need to do is exit the environment where you are not receiving it. It’s genuinely as simple as this, because it will make you quit this bad habit of seeking it in ways that try to wrangle it out of people who have none to give.

Finally…

By bringing this standard into adulthood and letting it become a habit, you become the perpetrator and architect of your own misery. Of course, at the source, the motivator is the original scenario that initiated the behaviour.

Nonetheless, acknowledgement of the source scenario is necessary, because undoing the behaviour itself also is necessary. This applies for everything that you ever try to obtain.

But in the case of love:

• love is an umpeachable standard you don’t need to work for
• one is loved for what one is
• As such, love is effortless and requires no work. You don’t need to work for love.

Also:

• the people who make you work for love also don’t understand the nature of love, therefore they will never give it: they will never love you.
• By remaining in the vicinity of such people, you ensure that you buy into their definition, even if it naturally isn’t your definition.

You should not have to adapt to this, therefore, you should not work according to these parameters.

Most importantly, you must stop trying to seek love. Because it implies having to try for it, having to work hard for it. Which is at the antithesis of the nature of love and how it is spread, and therefore doesn’t enable you to step into a world where it’s freely received and distributed. Love is not given or taken, love is.